


Foolish Heart

by waeuphoria (orphan_account)



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bad Boy Im Jaebum | JB, Denial of Feelings, Drama & Romance, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pastor's Son Choi Youngjae, Pining, References of Bullying, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 14:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13719966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/waeuphoria
Summary: Im Jaebum is rough edges and black clothes, piercings dotting his skin, and lives like the world could end in a second. He loves fast and fleeting, until a church boy with a smile like sunshine makes him believe that love can be slow and soft and last a lifetime.Choi Youngjae is soft features, baby blue t-shirts and wavy hair, the sun's rays illuminating a field of flowers. He plays piano like an angel and sings like he was born for the stage. He's an everchanging paradox of love and hate, and he drives Jaebum crazy.





	1. Chapter One

"You… want to start going to church?"

Jaebum paused, staring over the rim of his coffee cup at his mother. She had never been that religious, being baptised hadn't made her particularly inclined to partake in the whole lifestyle. But when she wanted to do something, Jaebum and his father were often dragged into it too, for the sake of family activities and spending time together.

His mother nodded, clasping her hands in front of her as she gestured for him to continue to drink and eat while they talked. It wasn't often that they were all free from work or school, or that Jaebum was at home for the morning, so they had breakfast together. He took a sip and set his cup down again, picking up his fork to eat his breakfast.

"I think we all should. As a family. We might find meaning in looking to a higher power than ourselves."

She wasn't going to force him, he knew that, but he would feel guilty denying her something that they could do as a family, even if he had no intention of following any religion. But he would go just to make her happy.

"Sure. I'll go with you, mom." He smiled, and he could see her light up at the knowledge that her son would indulge her in yet another thing. She had her fixations, things that she tried and then forgot about, and having Jaebum support her in all of them made her much happier about it.

And if he went with her, then his father would too. It was a chain of his mother wanting to try something, Jaebum agreeing and his father joining because he didn't want to be left out. And Jaebum knew his father stuck with some things that his mother had forgotten about, even if he pretended he wasn't still going to those painting sessions.

"Thank you, I've spoken to our local church, you know the one near that lovely looking private school? We can go tomorrow for their Sunday service?"

Jaebum nodded again, finishing his food, and standing up. "Sounds good to me." He told her, kissing her cheek, and moving to the sink to wash his plate and mug before setting them aside to dry. "Up early, smartest clothes, take the piercings out?"

"And maybe brush your hair properly." His dad spoke up, not even lifting his eyes from his paper. "It's a mess."

"I woke up twenty minutes ago, dad. Let me be messy first thing in the morning." Jaebum laughed, shaking his head as he refilled his father's mug before pulling at his pyjama shirt. "I'll go check if my best clothes are clean, have a good day at work mom, okay?"

* * *

 

In his defence, it was hard to change his image from low-key delinquent to golden boy in one day. He couldn't take his lip one out yet as it was only a month old and his undercut was hard to hide even without his usual pushed back style.

So, he just avoided the disapproving looks from the older women as he took his place in the pews, letting his mother chat away with one of her friends. They were right at the front, a downside of his mother's over-enthusiasm, and he could feel a sense of unease from being so intently watched by the seasoned churchgoers.

Before he could chicken out and make an excuse to leave to avoid the scrutiny, the service started, and he tried to pay some level of attention for his mother's sake.

The prayers were not his forte, and he just came up with something on the fly, so he wouldn't be sitting there awkwardly not knowing what to do. And the hymns he had no idea the tune of, but he made some attempt at singing along.

But halfway through, his eyes wandered to the choir, and fell on a boy dead centre of the first row. With his delicate features, and soft brown hair, Jaebum silently thanked his mother for bringing them to this church on this day so he could see what he could only describe as a real-life angel.

By the time the service ended, the mystery boy had disappeared, and Jaebum almost dislocated his neck from looking around so sharply to look for him. Instead he noticed a girl talking to his mother, and made his way over, giving her a bright smile.

She was pretty, in the same delicate way that the mystery boy had been, and Jaebum had never been so bisexual in his life. He had been blessed with two gorgeous individuals in one day, and he immediately engaged in the conversation.

His family was one of the last to leave, distracted by the conversation with the owners of the church. The girl, Euna, was the daughter of the pastor, and Jaebum was walking with her down the steps of the church when he decided to take a shot at asking her out.

"Hey, are you busy after this?" He asked, tilting his head as he looked at her. "Can I take you out for a drink?" She was sweet, talking to him like he wasn't just a high school senior and she wasn't in her last year of college (he'd heard his mother ask), but at his question, she laughed shyly.

"Are you asking me on a date, Jaebum-ah?"

"If I am, would you say yes?" He grinned, raising an eyebrow in anticipation.

She only laughed a little more, patting his cheek like he was a child before shaking her head.

"You're too young for me, you should stay in your own ballpark."

He pouted but took it in his stride and just took her hand from his cheek, shamelessly holding it like it was the most fragile thing in the world and he was worried about breaking it.

"Or… you could give a younger guy a chance? I'm… a little more _mature_ than I look, you know."

"I… don't think so. Sorry but I'll have to decline." Euna smiled before pursing her lips a little.

Jaebum was a respectful guy, but he was also determined, and he might even get one date if he tried hard enough.

"One date, just get to know me?"

He heard a cough behind him, and a hand was reaching between him and Euna to pull them apart. Huffing in annoyance at being cockblocked by some unknown person, he turned to face the intruder, only to be met with the face of the mystery boy that he had been so drawn to at first.

"She's not interested." The mystery boy stared him down, soft brown eyes cutting straight to his soul and Jaebum was struck into silence at how much prettier he was up close. "So please let it go."

Mystery boy turned away and it was a few seconds later that Jaebum got the courage to actually speak again, and he tried to come up with some meaningful confession to this gorgeous boy that had crossed his path and made him realise that boys exist, and some are living, breathing angels, but instead…

"Is she your girlfriend or something? I thought she didn't like younger guys."

Euna started laughing, and mystery boy only turned to face him again, an incredulously annoyed expression on his face, even as Euna was slapping his arm and practically in hysterics from how much she was laughing.

It caught the attention of his own parents, and Euna's mother, who turned their way to see why the pastor's daughter was making such a fuss.

"Not… not a girlfriend then?" He stammered, a flush rising to his cheeks. In any other situation, hell even with Euna he was calm, but with this guy? Even being on the receiving end of his irritated expression got him all flustered.

He was met with silence, before mystery boy spoke up.

"She's my _sister_."

…. Nice one, Jaebum. _Nice_.

He was glad his parents showed up then to pull him away, barely mumbling a goodbye to Euna who was still giggling about the situation.

He had never been more mortified in his life, they even looked like twins now that he thought about it properly. They had the same delicate features, the same brown eyes and even the same soft looking pink lips that he really wanted to kiss-

 _God, he was getting frustrated._ Already thinking about kissing them and he'd barely known them an hour. And there was two of them.

But the brother, oh Jaebum could think about that brother all day. He liked girls, sure, but in an instant, he'd choose boys. There was something about kissing another boy that got him much more excited than kissing a girl.

"What are you thinking about back there, Jae?" His mother asked from the passenger seat of the car, watching him with a knowing smile. His parents were fully aware of his sexuality, even before he knew himself, and were completely supportive of him, even offering to set him up from people. That was more his mother though, his father was just happy he was comfortable enough in his sexuality to be proud of it.

"That boy… Euna's brother…" He slumped further down in the seat, looking completely awestruck and pathetically smitten but he couldn't help himself.

"Oh, Youngjae? He's a sweet boy, yes… Nearly three years your junior."

Jaebum shot up, his eyes wide. He knew he was young, but to be three years younger than Jaebum himself? He hadn't guessed he was that young.

"Three years?!"

His mother nodded and smiled at him. "He turned sixteen two months ago. And you'll be nineteen in two months, so keep that in mind."

Jaebum was crushing hard already on a kid who was nearly three years younger than him. He slumped down again, groaning aloud as he took up the whole of the backseat in his dramatic reaction.

"Why does this happen to me. I'm a good guy and yet I get cursed with unattainable love." He huffed, and his mother only laughed at him fondly, shaking her head in amusement. "I would argue that this is homophobic."

"Oh, how so, darling?"

"I'm gay and I'm being inconvenienced by time itself."

* * *

 Jaebum sometimes wondered why Jinyoung was his best friend. Truly and honestly.

He loved him, of course he did, but his friend had a habit of not being particularly helpful and just… laughing at him when he had a problem.

He was leaning against the side of Jinyoung's bed, still in his church clothes and watching Jinyoung laugh on the floor. As much as he was hard to take seriously in his peach patterned boxers and t-shirt and messy hair, Jinyoung was _laughing_ at him.

"So let me get this right… you decided to corrupt that cute little church boy-" He said once he managed to stop himself from laughing.

"Corrupt is a strong word-" Jaebum frowned, he wasn't even thinking about _that_. He just wanted to stare into his eyes and hold his hand and maybe see if his lips were really as soft as they looked..

"You decided to corrupt Choi Youngjae, the preacher's son, because he called you out for hitting on his sister and you decided to chase after him instead?" Jinyoung insisted, raising an eyebrow as he grinned at Jaebum.

"-Jinyoung, you make it sound like I'm a player-"

"Im Jaebum says as the biggest player of our high school." He snorted, rolling his eyes before reaching over his lap to grab some of the food they'd laid out.

Even if Jaebum did go through a phase for most of his high school career of having lots of partners, he had chilled out a bit in his senior year, just for the sake of his exams and not really caring for the rest of the student population.

"Oh right, does he even go to our school?" Jaebum asked, knowing Jinyoung would know.

Park Jinyoung knew what happened in their town purely because his mother was almost a bigger social butterfly than Jackson Wang. He heard all the gossip and remembered it, just for safekeeping. Jaebum had said he was sure that was not something normal people did but Jinyoung just insisted it was useful to know all the gossip.

"You mean, does he come to our public den of debauchery and crime? No, idiot, he goes to that fancy private school with the uniforms and shit." He snorted.

"Where Mark Tuan goes?"

"Exactly." Jinyoung replied, with a mouthful of chips.

Jaebum sighed and took a handful of food, picking at them.

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how cute even is that kid anyway?" Jinyoung asked curiously.

"Off the scale. He's fucking _unreal_."

"You, my friend, are what we called.. whipped as fuck. And you've only known him an hour." 

Jaebum huffed, kicking Jinyoung's arm and ignoring the shout of protest he got in return, just stealing some of his food before leaning against his shoulder. 

"I'd marry him in a second. Even his voice is perfect." 

Jinyoung chuckled. "Tragic." 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaebum meets Youngjae for the second time, and Jinyoung is still as unhelpful as ever.

Jaebum knew Jinyoung had some ulterior motive with giving him the address to Saint Kim Andrew’s Academy, especially when he insisted on joining him to ‘make sure he didn’t get lost and end up scaring an old lady when asking for directions’.

“You just wanted to see Mark again.” He muttered accusingly to his friend, who had dressed up way smarter than he usually bothered to for the school day.

They were waiting outside the school, which let out much later than their own did. Mark Tuan was in the same year as Jaebum, and almost went to the same school as his childhood friend but his parents sent him to the private school instead.

“Guilty as charged.” Jinyoung just sent a finger gun his way, without even looking away from the entrance to the school, before he was leaning up off his car. “They’re coming out.”

Immediately Jaebum followed his gaze, scanning every face for Youngjae’s and huffing as the time dragged on and he was nowhere to be seen.

Mark came out soon enough and seemed beyond surprised to see his two friends waiting outside his school, giving them a confused wave before walking up to them, saying goodbye to a couple of his classmates.

And as much as he grilled on Jinyoung for his crush on Mark, he was amazed every time at just how cool and collected he was when talking to him, as if they were only friends and he didn’t whine about how good he looked daily to Jaebum.

And then there was Jaebum barely able to speak when Choi Youngjae showed up and took his breath away. He called bullshit on that.

“You two here for something?” Mark asked, after their greetings and Jinyoung asking him about something to do with music.

“Actually, yeah, Jaebum here has the biggest crush on one of the sophomores here.” Jinyoung grinned, looking over to his friend who just blinked and stared between the two before shoving him to one side.

“It’s not- I only met him on Sunday…”

“You said you’d marry him in a second.”

“That was-“

He was cut off, the last few students coming out and Choi Youngjae was right at the back of the little crowd, talking to one of the other boys with the biggest smile on his face. That smile should be _illegal_.

“You like Youngjae? Good luck with that, Jae.” Mark shook his head. It was so obvious, really. Jaebum was practically drooling at the sight of him and it took a kick to the shin from Jinyoung to stop him from staring.

“Go talk to him. And don’t fuck it up.”

Jaebum looked back to his friends only to see Jinyoung holding his car door open for Mark, and then the two ready to drive off and leave him alone to try and deal with his quickly depleting confidence.

He took a second to gather his composure and place his usual ‘I’m-about-to-hit-on-a-cute-person’ smirk, before blocking Youngjae’s path.

"Hey, church boy."

Youngjae lifted his head from his phone as he walked out of the gates, one hand about to place his earphone into his ear. He already recognised the voice before he saw its owner, and the smirk he saw playing on Jaebum's lips just made him raise an eyebrow.

"My sister isn't here," he informed him, moving to walk past when an arm crossed his path and rested against the wall, the older boy blocking his path. His gaze narrowed, not meeting his eyes, and just choosing to stare at the wall with a clenched jaw.

Couldn’t he even walk home without being apprehended by one of the state school kids? And by Im Jaebum of all people. He had a reputation in their town, as someone that caused trouble and broke hearts. Seeing him at their church had surprised him and his behaviour had only proved that he wasn’t someone Youngjae should associate with.

"Who said I wanted her?" Jaebum grinned, stepping closer and moving his hand to lightly take hold of Youngjae's chin, making him look over to him. "Your sister is pretty, but you're more my type~"

Whatever reaction Jaebum had expected, envisioning a blushing Youngjae that hid his face or an angry one that pushed him away, he was not prepared for how it would look in real life in front of him. And he got a mix of the two.

Youngjae flushed bright red, his brow furrowing as he pulled his face out of Jaebum's light grip and pushed him out of his way. He glanced around, as if worried people would see him be too close with a state school student with piercings and black clothes.

Luckily they were the last two waiting outside the school, even Jinyoung and Mark had driven off down the road and abandoning Jaebum to walk home alone.

"Stay away from me and my family."

Jaebum raised an eyebrow, not deterred and he simply stepped closer, taking hold of his tie instead to hold him in place.

"Why? You don't even know me, I promise I'll treat you right, Youngjae-ah~"

With Youngjae’s blush increasing in redness, Jaebum could only find his irritated expression adorable, and his smirk got more mischievous as he leaned closer to him.

It took a second for Youngjae to properly react, and instead of reacting in anger like Jaebum expected him to, he just stammered in protest.

“I’m not… I’m not like that... I don’t _do_ that. I _can’t_ do that..”

Jaebum paused, raising an eyebrow and he took a second to lean back. He _can’t_?

“You can’t let another guy spoil you?”

He asked quietly, now just wondering why Youngjae was wording things in that way. He wasn’t chasing after him in the hopes to switch his sexuality by any means, but he was just going from what he’d overheard while being pulled away by his parents from the church just two days before.

_Youngjae turned away from him, letting his sister hold onto his arm as they waited for their parents to come to the car with them._

_Jaebum could overhear their conversation, despite his mortified expression and he caught snippets of what Euna was saying._

_“I wouldn’t mind him as a brother-in-law, when you’re older, Jae-ah…” She giggled, and Youngjae’s face seemed to pale and he glanced over to his parents, before quickly shushing her and shaking his head._

_Jaebum felt a grin come onto his face, and he hummed. So the perfect little church boy had a side of him that was interested in guys? It must be his lucky day…_

_“Noona, you know I can’t-… I don’t-“_

_“You can tell me whatever, but I watched you grow up with no interest in girls, and I know you were watching him throughout the service~”_

_Youngjae’s cheeks flushed red and he shook his head, but Euna kept talking._

_“You only intervened because you were annoyed that he was hitting on me and not you, hmm? I can see right through you, Jae...”_

He watched Youngjae carefully, seeing his reactions and studying his face at their proximity. Up close, he could see tiny little freckles dotting his cheeks, barely visible but Jaebum could see them. His eyes had flecks of hazel through them, and Jaebum could get lost in the depth of his eyes all day.

“I’m not interested in guys.” The silence was broken after a second, and Youngjae seemed to have gotten over his brief panic about having Jaebum so close but the flush on his cheeks proved otherwise.

“Is that what you truly think or is that you pretending to not be, just so your church will still accept you?”

* * *

 

“As your best friend, I love you, but I wish I had been there to see you get slapped by Youngjae.”

Jaebum really wanted to give out applications for a new best friend because Jinyoung seemed to only be friends with him to see him suffer.

“Are you going to give up chasing him?” Mark asked when Jaebum didn’t answer, his head still firmly planted on the diner table as he groaned and pressed a milkshake glass to his red cheek.

“He fucking apologised to me right after hitting me, who does that?!” Jaebum shot his head up, staring at his two friends. “He’s so soft and cute, I want to take him on a date and hold his hand and buy him flowers, but also _ruin him_.”

“You’re nasty and you need to go to that church to _repent_.” Jinyoung rolled his eyes.

Jaebum groaned, dropping his head back onto the table with a loud thump. He really had fallen hard and fast, not that he would even come close to claiming that he was truly ‘in love’ but as far as infatuation goes, he was in deep.

“This is just like when you had that crush on the captain of the basketball team. She was super cute and all, and you daydreamed about that stupid American Dream bullshit, and then realised she’s uptight and the literal _Devil Incarnate_.”

“That’s funny because I thought you were the Devil Incarnate.” Jaebum retorted, only to be kicked under the table.

That set off a kicking battle between the two of them, with Mark lifting his legs out of the way to avoid injury and letting the two younger boys be as immature as they wanted while he texted on his phone.

It went on for a few minutes until Mark got a text that made him giggle, and he glanced over to Jaebum before replying.

“By the way, you’re free tonight, right?” He asked, interrupting the bickering that had started in the meantime, Jinyoung throwing insults left and right as Jaebum retorted with equally scathing ones. Really, how were they even best friends?

“Yep. Why?” Jaebum frowned.

“Go to the church at 10pm. Someone’s going to meet you there.”

* * *

 

Youngjae waited nervously outside the church, pulling his coat tighter around him as he huffed out a breath of cold air.

It was still a little early, but he was leaning against one of the lampposts and waiting for Jaebum. He hadn’t been that kind to him earlier that day, and he was feeling guilty about it.

He hadn’t meant to slap him, but for some reason, that statement from Jaebum just made him frustrated and he had reacted too strongly.

“Boo.”

He heard a voice behind him, which startled him as he turned around, slipping on the ice under his feet. He probably should have worn some more sensible shoes but…

He expected to slip and fall onto the ground like a clumsy baby giraffe, but instead he was caught in two arms that wrapped around his waist smoothly and held him up.

“Whoops, sorry.” He heard a chuckle, and his eyes lifted to meet Jaebum’s. “Didn’t think you’d slip over but… uh… you’re lucky I have quick reflexes, right?”

Youngjae blinked, staring at him for a second before he pulled out of his arms, straightening himself up and brushing his coat off.

“Um… thank you.” He replied quietly, dropping his gaze once he saw the bruise that had formed on the older’s cheek. He didn’t think he had hit that hard but really he had just run away after hitting him and then quickly apologising. “I’m sorry… for hitting you. I don’t usually..”

“It’s fine.” Jaebum shook his head with a smile, waving his hand as he watched him shift uncomfortably. “Did you just call me here to apologise?”

“Were you expecting something else?”

“I was _hoping_ you might have reconsidered some things.”

Jaebum was still hopeful that Youngjae would let himself admit that he was interested in guys and might consider Jaebum as a potential partner, but he knew it wasn’t the kind of revelation that would happen overnight.

Youngjae frowned, stepping back from Jaebum as he exhaled softly. “I came here to apologise properly. That’s all. Whatever you want from me, I can’t reciprocate.”

Jaebum chewed on his lip, shoving his hands in his pockets before kicking at the ground. He heard Youngjae murmur a goodbye and he looked up again, finally speaking.

“What about a friendship?”

Youngjae stopped, turning back to face him with that same surprised expression that sent shivers down Jaebum’s spine that had nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with how his lips formed into the perfect pout and parted just enough to drive him crazy.

As much as he wanted to date him, to be able to call him a boyfriend and treat him to everything life had to offer, his infatuation might be short lived anyway. And it would be better to have Youngjae trust him as a friend, to have more friends that are comfortable with their sexualities and maybe he’ll come to terms with his own.

Jaebum was willing to wait, but he couldn’t see himself giving up on Choi Youngjae just yet.

“I suppose… we could be friends.” Youngjae spoke after a while, and Jaebum grinned.

“In that case, we’re having a friendly get together at Jinyoung’s house this Saturday. Close circle, some drinks… you should come.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung's party, part one. 
> 
> Youngjae meets the rest of Jaebum's friends, and the two start their tentative friendship.

Close circle and some drinks.

Youngjae could handle that much.

Not that he would drink as he was still underage but getting to know Jaebum, and the rest of his friends, didn’t seem like a bad thing. He’d exchanged numbers with Jaebum before they parted for the night, so they could keep in contact without having Mark as the middle man, and Jaebum had told him the time and place.

He’d even offered to pick him up but that seemed like too much, and Youngjae was happy enough getting dropped off by his brother.

Apparently, the amount of people that were going to be at the party came to a total of seven, Youngjae included. It seemed calm enough, and if the other people were anything like Jaebum or Mark then it wouldn’t get too crazy.

Or at least… that’s what he’d thought before he’d knocked on the door and heard loud screaming from inside.

The door opened to reveal Mark, dressed in something comfy and Youngjae realised it was the first time he’d seen his schoolmate in anything other than their uniform. There were three people who seemed drunk beyond belief, a couple who looked to be Youngjae’s age, and one a little older. They were flipping bottles onto the side table and yelling even if they succeeded or failed.

“Sorry about those three… they’ve been drinking already…” Mark rolled his eyes, letting Youngjae step in and take his shoes off before passing him a cup of something that didn’t quite smell like alcohol, so he drank it. It just tasted fruity.

“…what is this? It’s good…” He hummed, having more of it and finishing half the cup in one go. It tasted sweet, and unlike anything he’d had before.

“That, kiddo, is a Sex on the Beach.” Mark gave him a smirk and started laughing as Youngjae’s eyes went wide and he looked at the cup like it had offended him somehow. It probably had, given how he hadn’t planned to drink until he was of age. “Don’t worry about drinking tonight. Have one at least. You’ll need something to deal with the three musketeers…”

Youngjae frowned, looking at his schoolmate before chewing on his lip. “I shouldn’t really drink…” He murmured, but even as he was saying it, he was wanting more so he took another sip.

“Do whatever you want, Youngjae. There’s soda if you want that too. Jinyoung keeps loads here.” Mark just told him, before pulling him into the main room and pointing out all the people he didn’t recognise.

“Peach shirt is Jinyoung, blond hair is Jackson… avoid him if possible-“

“MARKKKK~” ‘Jackson’ whined, only to be ignored by the oldest of the group as he continued.

“Red hair is Bambam, not his real name but nobody knows his real name because he’s a troll and doesn’t tell us. And the giant baby lying on the couch Is Yugyeom.”

Youngjae listened carefully, wanting to remember everyone’s names and he gave them all a soft smile. He noticed Jaebum wasn’t in the main group, and he glanced around as Jinyoung came up to Mark and started mumbling to him quietly.

“And you already know me.” An all too familiar voice came behind him and he turned to face Jaebum, a soft grin settling onto his face.

“Oh, do I? Can’t quite recall your name.” He teased, finishing off his drink. Downing most of it in one go went straight to his head, and he could feel himself becoming more comfortable with the group far quicker than he would have normally.

Jaebum laughed, what a sweet laugh it was, and had a sip from his own bottle. “One drink’s enough to get you forgetting names? Such a lightweight.”

“I never had alcohol before, _Jaebum hyung_ , cut me some slack.” He huffed, but he was giggling anyway. Maybe he was a bit of a lightweight but for a 16-year-old who had never had alcohol before, he wasn’t exactly the most tolerant of alcohol.

Jaebum laughed, shaking his head fondly, as he just took his cup from him. “Alright, take it slow anyway. You don’t want to go too hard on your first time.”

“Unless you like it rough~~” The red haired one – Bambam? – yelled out, making Yugyeom laugh loudly from his spot on the couch.  Jaebum probably should have reconsidered his wording…

Youngjae didn’t know whether to laugh or be uncomfortable with that, until he saw Jaebum just look in disappointment at the two, which made him giggle.

“Anyway… we’re watching a movie first. You good with horror movies?” Jaebum spoke after a long sigh, giving Youngjae a soft smile in his direction.

Now that Youngjae knew that Jaebum had a slight crush on him, and some semblance of feelings, he was seeing him a different light. It was flattering to have someone like him, and he’d be lying if he said that it didn’t make him feel all sorts of fluffy inside.

Even if he wasn’t sure if he could accept feeling the same way, he was noticing more of Jaebum that he might not have seen otherwise. There were worse people to fall in love with than Im Jaebum, that was for sure.

“They’re not my favourite.” He admitted quietly, realising he had been deep in thought a moment too long and he had forgotten to respond to the question asked of him.

“I’d say we could change it but…uh…. It’s Jackson’s turn to pick. He’s terrible with them too, so I don’t know why he picked it but…”

 

* * *

 

It was a good horror movie, if you rated horror movies by how scary they were.

Youngjae was an easily scared person, he was forever jumping and being pranked by his brother, so it wasn’t new to him to be scared but…

Horror movies were something else entirely.

He’d started sitting on the edge of the two-seater couch, next to Jaebum, with a cushion on his lap but that had slowly changed to him holding the cushion up to his face and hiding mostly behind Jaebum.

Jackson was not faring any better either, he was screaming at every jump scare and Youngjae was worried for Yugyeom’s hearing, after having the older screaming every five minutes right by his ears.

He settled further into the cushions, his forehead pressed against Jaebum’s shoulder as the noises of the movie went on around them. He could feel how tense Jaebum was, and he picked his head up after a while, and glanced at the screen to make sure nothing horrifying was happening.

“Are you okay?” He whispered quietly to the older, who just turned his head to face him. Their faces were so close that even in the dark, Youngjae could see the slight red tint to his cheeks.

“Yeah, are you?” Jaebum replied just as softly, not breaking their eye contact until Youngjae felt it getting too much and he glanced down.

“I’m fine. It’s a little scarier than I thought it would be.” He admitted.

“Couldn’t tell.” Jaebum remarked, a light chuckle leaving his lips as Youngjae pouted and lightly smacked his arm.

“At least I’m not screaming like Jackson hyung.”

“That’s true, instead you nearly tear holes in my shirt from how tightly you’re gripping it.”

Youngjae huffed even more, letting go of his shirt at that, and Jaebum just laughed.

“It’s already got holes in it, feel free to add some more.” He hummed, before there was another jumpscare and Youngjae jumped behind him again.

Nothing else was said, but nothing really needed to be. It was a simple conversation between two friends, with playful teasing. That’s all it was, Youngjae was sure of it.

Even if he spent the rest of the movie with his cheek against Jaebum’s shoulder, pretending to be hiding from the movie but really letting his gaze wander more often than not to Jaebum’s profile.

By the time the lights came on again and the credits were rolling, he had nearly fallen asleep, but he was roused by the prospect of another drink and the stereotypical party games that a lot of American high school movies featured.

Armed with another Sex on the Beach (he liked how it tasted more than the others he’d tried), he took his place in the circle they’d formed, in between Jackson and Yugyeom.

‘Never Have I Ever’ was the first game they’d played, which might be more fun if you have actually done more than Youngjae had but he learnt a lot about his new friends. Bambam was the wildest of all of them, it seemed like, and he was even younger than Youngjae.

They moved on through the games as and when they wanted to, not really having clear finishes but someone asking if they wanted to play the next usually cut each game off. Drinking games interspersed each of them, and Youngjae eventually had to switch to soda just so he wouldn’t be ‘go too rough for his first time’ as Jaebum had put it at the beginning of the evening.

Truth or dare came into the picture at around one in the morning, when everyone was mostly drunk, and Youngjae had texted his brother to let him know he was staying the night and wouldn’t need a lift back until the next afternoon.

_“Give you time to sleep off the hangover you’ll get.” Mark had said._

It was all fun and games, a bunch of dares and truths that sober people would have probably thought twice about doing but when you’re drunk, anything goes. Luckily the start had gone from Jackson and away from him, so he’d be the last to have to pick between them.

Jackson had been dared to run the length of the street in just his underwear, barefoot and all. It had all been captured on film, with Bambam’s continuous laughing as a soundtrack to it.

Mark had opted for truth which, by the courtesy of Jackson, ended up not getting answered as the rest of the group tried to decipher what it could be and in the end all they got was that one of their 4 theories was true.

Jinyoung had gone for a dare and downed a mixture of every drink in the room, which looked disgusting and, judging by his reaction, tasted pretty disgusting too.

It got to Bambam’s turn, and he leaned back against the couch, his drink precariously tilted in his hand and about to spill onto the floor.

“Truth or dare, Bam.” Yugyeom hummed, his long legs propped up on Bambam and Jinyoung’s laps despite the older regularly pushing them off. The youngest just put them back after a few minutes anyway.

“I’m no coward. I choose dare,” was the smug response and Yugyeom just laughed a little to himself as he took no time at all to think of a dare, as if this was something he had already had in mind.

_Bambam noticed the new person in their group, and he was immediately struck with how pretty he looked. It hadn’t taken long for him to take Yugyeom off to one side, and request something from the younger that didn’t surprise him in the least._

_“Dare me to kiss Youngjae later, okay?” He whispered to him._

_“You leave a relationship and not even a month later, you’re thirsting over someone else. But fine.” Yugyeom rolled his eyes, laughing at how his best friend couldn’t seem to keep his hands -or lips – to himself._

“I dare you… to kiss Youngjae.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I split the party into two parts, because there's more to come in this! 
> 
> This is going to be a slow build fic, so however close 2jae get, just know that there's still a long way to go before the happy ending ;)


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the party, and the beginning of Youngjae's realisations.

“I dare you… to kiss Youngjae.” 

Youngjae tensed, his eyes immediately flickering to where Bambam was seated opposite him, a smirk playing on his lips as he met his gaze and held it firmly. 

Was this really happening? He guessed that something like kissing might happen, but he didn’t expect to be on the receiving end of a dare like that.

“With  _ pleasure _ .” 

Bambam picked himself off the floor, crossing the middle of the circle to kneel in front of Youngjae who was still as a statue, eyes flickering from the younger to Jaebum on the side. 

Even as he had denied Jaebum, he knew he didn’t want to be kissing anybody in front of him and especially so soon after he had started pursuing him. Even if they had become tentative friends, at least on Youngjae’s part, it seemed too cruel to kiss one of his friends. 

And Youngjae was convinced that he wasn’t interested in guys at all. Regardless of his sexuality, kissing someone at a party wasn’t something he was willing to do, given that his first kiss was yet to be shared with anyone. And he really didn’t want it to happen because of a drunk dare. 

And he could see Jaebum scowling from where he was sitting, pointedly looking away from the rest of the group as he crossed his arms over his chest. His knuckles were practically white from how tightly he was holding a fist, and it almost made Youngjae laugh from how obviously annoyed he was. 

But he was still faced with the prospect of either accepting the kiss and losing his first off the fly to someone he barely knew, or denying Bambam in front of five other people.

“I… I can’t.” He murmured, leaning back as Bambam met his eyes, a questioning look in them just to check if it was okay with the other. 

“Hmm, that’s a shame… worth a shot though~” He winked, pretending to be dramatically disappointed as he moved back. “Give me another dare, Yugy!”

“Nuh uh, now you have to forfeit.”

The bickering between the two youngest faded into the background as Youngjae glanced over to where Jaebum was - or had been. Instead there was an empty space and he had a rush of worry that Jaebum was mad about the dare. 

He picked himself up, glancing around and noticing the door to the garden open. He grabbed one of the blankets to wrap around his shoulders and walked out, poking his head through the door and seeing Jaebum leaning against the wall of the house.

“You okay?” He asked quietly.

“I’m just peachy. How was the dare?” Jaebum replied, not looking over to him as he folded his arms. His jaw was set firmly, and Youngjae could tell he was annoyed.

“He’s doing a forfeit,” he started, and he almost laughed at how quickly Jaebum looked relieved. “I wasn’t going to give my first kiss away to someone I don’t know.”

Jaebum blinked. “That was almost… your first kiss?” He looked angry in a second, and started muttering under his breath about how he was ‘going to kill both of those little punks’.

Youngjae nodded slowly, stepping out further as he pulled the blanket closer around him. “Yeah, I am only sixteen. But I’m sensible enough to say no if I don’t want to. I want it to be with the right person.”

“That’s so pure of you, I can’t believe it.” Jaebum shook his head, but he was laughing in amusement anyway. What else would he have expected from Choi Youngjae of all people? The boy was all things pure.

“My existence is pureness itself, hyung.” He replied quietly, just confirming Jaebum’s thoughts and making the two laugh between themselves. It went quiet for a second, Jaebum just watching Youngjae giggle and smile. 

He wasn’t religious by any means, despite now going to church weekly, but he was starting to believe in things like heaven and angels. And all because of one boy that managed to work his way into his heart in an instant. 

A blush rose to his cheeks when Youngjae looked over to him and noticed him staring, and he dropped his gaze immediately, shoving his hands in his pockets to warm them up a little.

“Are you cold? Your cheeks are red…” Youngjae murmured, already pulling the blanket from around his shoulders and letting it cover both of them, which meant they had to stand even closer together.

Jaebum really didn’t know if Youngjae was deliberately teasing him, or if he was just that kind-hearted but if it was the latter, then god, he was falling even harder. 

“Um, yeah, a little…” He coughed to himself, looking away from Youngjae as their shoulders bumped. 

The conversation started easily though, after a few seconds of silence, and soon they were talking about anything and everything, just leaning against the wall of Jinyoung’s house with alcohol buzzing in their veins and wrapped up tightly in a blanket. 

It was like something out of the dramas his mother liked to watch in the evenings, where the two main leads slowly fall in love with each other. But Jaebum had fallen first, and he didn’t know if Youngjae would follow any time soon.

They went back in after a while, when sharing the blanket wasn’t enough to keep them warm. Jaebum draped the blanket over Youngjae entirely as he stood up and opened the door again to walk on, letting Youngjae in before shutting and locking the door.

He noticed most of the others were sleeping or close to it, Yugyeom and Bambam curled on the floor under a blanket. Jaebum walked over and stole the blanket from the two of them, still salty about the dare as he wrapped it around his own shoulders. 

“Let me show you the spare room..” He said softly, gesturing for Youngjae to follow him down the hallway into a room, a decent sized double mat in the middle of the floor. “I’ll go kick Jackson off the couch, there are some of my hoodies and sweats in the cupboard….”

Youngjae bit his lip as he moved to the cupboard, pulling out the softest ones and immediately changing. “Share the bed with me. There’s enough space and you won’t have Jackson complaining later.”

Jaebum was nearly out of the door when he heard Youngjae talk, and he turned to glance over but was met with his younger friend’s bare back. He instantly averted his gaze, coughing as he tried to calm his suddenly red cheeks.

“Uhhhh, sure.”

He pulled his hair back from his forehead, and exhaled, only waiting until he heard Youngjae getting under the covers to look over again. God, he was so weak for him, it was unreal. Youngjae was just so soft, it was hard for him to not love him more and more.

And with him bundled up in the covers with that bright smile, Jaebum forgot completely about changing into comfier clothes and he just crawled in bed next to him, pulling the covers up and over them as he let his head fall back against the pillow. 

“Thank you for inviting me today.” Youngjae whispered as he cut the light off, plunging them into darkness. His voice was so close to Jaebum’s ear that he could feel his breath lightly hitting his skin, and it made goosebumps rise on his arms. “I had fun.” 

“Anytime. You’re part of our family now.” He smiled as he let his eyes close.

 

* * *

They’d fallen asleep almost straightaway. 

Jaebum had gone first, completely passed out on his side of the bed while Youngjae followed a few minutes later. 

And with Youngjae’s sleeping habits the way that they were, with how he sprawled out to take up all the space he could, Jaebum woke up to a head of hair resting on his shoulder and a couple of limbs laying over his torso and legs. 

It was kind of domestic, in all honesty. Youngjae was bundled up in his clothes, pink cheeked and asleep, and lying all over him like he was a cuddle pillow. 

Not that he minded… he had a brief thought of wanting to be reincarnated as a cuddle pillow specifically for Youngjae so he could spend every night being cuddled like this. 

What was happening to him? He was going soft…

Instead of waking him up though, he just maneuvered his way out of the bed, untangling limbs and making sure he didn’t disturb Youngjae before he grabbed a new pair of clothes. Sleeping in jeans wasn’t fun, and he was sure he had indents left on his legs from sleeping in them. 

He changed quickly, before heading to the kitchen to get himself some coffee and food. No one else was even close to being conscious, he couldn’t hear any movement from Jinyoung’s room and everyone in the living room was still passed out.

Jaebum took the time to clear up some of the bottles that had been left on the counters, and to make sure nothing was particularly messy. Jinyoung’s parents weren’t coming home until the evening, but he knew his best friend would put it off until the last minute.

He replied to his mother’s text, asking if he’d be joining them at the church and if Youngjae was okay, and said that both of them probably wouldn’t make it. Jinyoung’s house was on the other side of town, and Youngjae was still out cold. His hangover was going to be uncomfortable too. 

But on the other side of the wall, back in the bed that now seemed too big for one person, Youngjae was lying awake.

His head hurt, more than he’d expected it too, and he could hear movement from the kitchen. But they were the least of his worries. He’d been awake since Jaebum had left the warmth of the bed, watching him go.

He had come to a realisation that he had been trying to ignore for a full week now, desperately hoping that he wouldn’t fall prey to the temptation that Jaebum enticed him with just by existing and being as kind to him as he was.

If he was cruel and cold hearted, it would have been much easier to deny his own feelings as being misguided, the devil trying to entice him to the other side to sin and go against his own religion. But Jaebum was nothing like that.

He was caring and thoughtful, and he understood that Youngjae couldn’t give him what he wanted and instead offered a compromise that they be friends instead. Despite his appearances, all dark and brooding with all his piercings, he was kind. 

Youngjae could see it in how he cared for his friends, even the ones that annoyed him, and how he looked after his parents. He’d left the party a few times just to reassure his mother on the phone that he was okay and being safe, and that was something Youngjae admired greatly. 

But being surrounded by his presence throughout the night, and waking up in his arms and in such an intimate way, Youngjae had the realisation that his feelings for Jaebum were not limited to friendship. 

Waking up in his clothes, with the all too familiar smell surrounding him, he knew that he was straying into feelings that he couldn’t let himself accept, no matter how much he yearned for Jaebum to stay by his side, and be close to him. 

Youngjae stood up, ignoring how his head pounded and his body protested the sudden movement. He was quickly overwhelmed, and changed back into his clothes from the night before, sending a text to his brother to ask him to pick him up and hurrying out of the bedroom door. 

He bumped into Jaebum, who only looked concerned at his sudden need to leave, and he barely managed to mumble an excuse of why he was leaving before he was grabbing his coat and pulling his shoes on and walking out of the door. 

He walked to the end of the road, before he felt the tightness in his chest get suffocating, and he leaned against a telephone pole to steady his hungover body. 

A few minutes passed before his brother pulled up to pick him up, and Youngjae quickly got in, brushing off the questions about if he was okay, and just mumbling that he didn’t feel up to going to service. 

It would have been easier to leave without seeing Jaebum, slipping out of the house without any confrontation and seeing the look of worry on his face. It only added to the disarray of thoughts he had in his head. 

By the time they had reached home, the rest of his family had already left to go to their church, and his brother told him to keep hydrated and rest well before going to join them. 

Youngjae climbed into his bed, his dog curling up by him as if she could sense that he was upset. His phone went off with the notification that he had a couple of texts, and he glanced over, his expression only getting sadder as he saw Jaebum’s name flash up on the screen.

**From: Jaebum-hyung**

_ You left pretty quickly. Are you okay? _

_ Bukeoguk works well for hangovers… _

Youngjae sighed softly as he read the messages, before locking his phone again and dropping it onto the floor. 

“Coco~ what do I do…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A later update than I'd hoped, but we're getting into the main story now. I want to portray this as realistically as possible (and of course with some fanfic cliches *ahem* bed sharing anybody?) so it may be a long ride, but please stick with me! Thank you for reading!!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resolutions are made, and a friendship is rekindled but nothing is ever as easy as the movies make it out to be.

Jaebum didn’t know what he’d done wrong.

It had been over a week since Jinyoung’s party, and all of his messages to Youngjae had been ignored. The kid had left read receipts on so Jaebum knew he was reading the first few but then he just stopped reading. And not once did Jaebum even get a reply. Even a single ‘k’ would have better than just radio silence.

He wondered if he’d maybe been a little too much for Youngjae, if maybe accepting his offer of sharing the bed for the night was a little too much too soon, but both of them had been drunk and he had been wonderstruck by the other that he couldn’t say no.

But he was confused as to what he could have done to upset him. Every piece of contact they had, Youngjae had initiated it. From sharing the blanket outside to cuddling up under the sheets in the warmth together, each time Youngjae had made the first move.

Even as persistent as he was, and as intoxicated with both alcohol and his crush, he didn’t want to push the boundaries of what Youngjae wanted because he valued his company above anything else.

So being apart from him, and being so obviously ignored, was particularly frustrating. He’d thought he had been getting somewhere, befriending Youngjae and finding the final puzzle piece for their little band of ruffians. But clearly he had been wrong.

But he shouldn’t be letting those thoughts take over his head, not when there was nothing he could do, short of ambushing the younger outside of his school again. And the last time that happened, his cheek sported a bright red handprint that sent his mother into a frenzy.

So instead he let his attention wander to the group around him, taking over one of the back corners of the classroom as they waited for lunch break to be over. Jackson was busy trying to steal some of Jinyoung’s lunch, who was one second away from knocking his chair over by how much he was leaning to the side to avoid Jackson’s sneaky hands.

Yugyeom and Bambam were crowded around a phone, grinning at the screen almost too much to be normal. They were talking to someone through video call, sharing headphones between the two of them as they talked and laughed along with whoever was on the other line.

“Youngjae-ah, you’ll just make his head even bigger, don’t say things like that to Bambam…” Yugyeom laughed, shaking his head as Bambam just scoffed in mild annoyance at being teased.

Jaebum froze at the mention of Youngjae, his eyes immediately flickering over to the two youngest members of their group. Since when did Youngjae talk to Yugyeom and Bambam? Did they exchange numbers at the party? They might have, but why was Youngjae ignoring Jaebum but happily talking to the others…

“Oh, do you wanna talk to anyone else? You got on really well with Jaebum hyung at the party, and he’s here if you-”

Yugyeom fell silent, and Jaebum could feel the two of them turn their eyes over to him as they listened to whatever Youngjae was saying. They looked back at the screen before exchanging a glance, and stepping out of the classroom to talk.

“So when you say… you’re not speaking to him… that’s because… you’re worried about catching feelings?” Yugyeom asked once they were out of the room, noticing just how worried Youngjae seemed to look as he made his way out of his own classroom.

“Nah, it looks like he already has.” Bambam interjected, raising an eyebrow at the screen. “There’s nothing wrong with liking guys, y’know.”

Youngjae shook his head, curling his fingers around the cord of his headphones as he glanced around to make sure no one was paying him any attention.

“I can’t fall for him. You don’t get it.” He murmured, walking further down the corridor to find a secluded place to talk. He was too fearful that someone might overhear and piece together the story from just his part of the conversation. And he knew just how some of his fellow students would react to the subject matter.

“No we do. Trust me, we do get it. But whatever you’re worried about? You have us to support you. And that’s probably rich considering we’ve only known each other like a week, but… you’re one of us, Jae.” Bambam sighed slowly.

Even if he had an interest in Youngjae at first, it had dissipated immediately knowing Jaebum liked him too. It was obvious to all of them that there was some kind of connection between the two, even as early as their friendship was. Even if Youngjae didn’t want to admit it, or was scared to admit it, the feelings that Jaebum had for him were not unrequited.

And Youngjae had fit into their group so well, had gotten along with everyone so easily, that the two youngest members of the group had been adamant to keep him in their circle, exchanging numbers and keeping in contact every day.

The two waited for a response, patiently, though they knew the end of break was coming up and their time was limited. And eventually Youngjae gave them the one they had been hoping for.

“Okay…. Yes. Okay. Thank you.” He exhaled softly, a soft smile reaching his features. As much as he liked his friends at school, there was something about Jaebum’s friends (and Jaebum himself) that made him feel at ease instantly.

“Great, now you can talk to our delightful hyung!” Yugyeom grinned, taking the phone back into the classroom despite Youngjae’s protests, and shoving the phone and headphones at Jaebum who took a second to remember who was on the other side of the call.

He put the headphones in, meeting Youngjae’s eyes and he couldn’t even say ‘hi’ because immediately the younger was talking and apologising for not replying to his messages. He barely managed to get a word in edgeways before he had to firmly speak up.

“Youngjae. It’s fine. Just… don’t do it again, okay? I thought I’d really messed up..” He laughed quietly.

“I’m sorry! I’ll explain it properly when I’m not about to leave for classes..”

“I’ll hold you to that. Is tonight okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Youngjae replied, just as he heard the bell ring signalling the end of break. “I have to go… call around seven? I’ll be definitely be home by then..”

“Got it, seven o’clock.” Jaebum smiled, and they exchanged goodbyes before the call ended and he handed the phone back to Bambam.

“Someone’s got a date~” He teased, shoving it in his bag as he picked it up, ready to walk to his own class before he’d be late.

“Shut it.”

* * *

The rest of the day passed so slowly that Jaebum was sure the clocks were going deliberately slowly just to piss him off. By the time the bell rang to signal the end of the school day, he was out of his seat in a second, shoving his books into his bag and heading down the corridor to meet Jinyoung outside of his classroom.

The two walked home together, before they had to go their separate ways, and Jinyoung's incessant teasing of how he was finally going to 'get some' disappeared as he walked down his road to his house. He waited around, cleaning the house when his work got too boring and there was nothing he could scrounge from the fridge without his mother scolding him for eating too much before dinner.

By the time seven o'clock came around, Youngjae had only been home for a few minutes before his phone was going off with the call from Jaebum. His club activities had overrun drastically and so he had just managed to get his shoes off and grab something to eat before answering the call, heading up the stairs as he called to his mother that he'd be busy for a while.

“Exactly seven o’clock, hyung, you’re punctual.” He teased, setting the phone down for a second so he could change out of his school uniform. “I just got home so give me a second to change into something comfier…”

“I was bored waiting around until seven, why would I wait any longer?” Jaebum laughed in response, kicking his feet up on the chair by his bed as he waited for Youngjae to come into view again. “I gotta say, this view of your ceiling is _amazing_.”

“Oh shush.” He could hear Youngjae laugh, then a sweater was chucked across the camera and landed with a thump to the side somewhere. A couple of seconds later, the camera moved and Youngjae was smiling over to him, heading over to his bed and slumping down onto it.

God, how he'd missed talking to him... call him lovestruck but the past week had been one of the worst weeks in his life having no idea what he'd done to warrant the silent treatment from the boy he was slowly falling harder and harder for with every day that passed.

"There's the view I wanted to see." He grinned, shifting so he could sit up instead of lying sprawled out on his bed. "Nice pjs."

Youngjae pouted, looking down at his pink hoodie and plain sweats. They were the comfiest clothes he owned and he knew Jaebum was just messing around with him but still.

"Should I be wearing something else?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, you could always wear mine again..." Jaebum grinned, before he shook his head. "I'm just kidding, don't take that too seriously."

Youngjae smiled. His heart lurched at the thought of being in one of Jaebum's hoodies again, both because he so dearly wanted to be and yet he had spent a week worrying about the fact that he adored Jaebum more than he wanted to accept.

Jaebum noticed Youngjae smiling, and how he'd gone quiet, and he tilted his head a little. "Youngjae-ah?"

"Ah, sorry, hyung... I was just thinking." Youngjae assured him, crossing his legs on his bed as Coco crawled into his lap. "Um... I should explain why I didn't reply this whole week..."

Jaebum nodded. "I'd like that... "

Even after the conversation he had with Bambam and Yugyeom, his own internalised fears were hard to overcome in just a day. The only reason he was accepting it as such now was because the other option was too stressful to consider. And knowing how Jaebum felt towards him, the same as he himself did, made it harder to put those feelings aside and ignore the possibilities of 'what if?'

Youngjae chewed on his lip, taking a second to think over what he was saying. "Well... I was considering a lot of things... and..."

He glanced at the screen again, seeing how intently Jaebum was listening and he couldn't hold his gaze for too long, glancing down to where Coco was curled up and he used his free hand to lightly scratch behind her ears, as a reassurance to keep his cool and hopefully to say what he wanted to say.

"Well I was just busy with schoolwork... I completely forgot to reply.." He chickened out at the last minute, mentally cursing himself for being so innately stubborn even with himself. "Deadlines and all, y'know?"

He was torn between letting himself love who he wanted to, that being Jaebum, and his own beliefs that were getting in the way. Everyone around him, with the exception of his sister, were fully engrossed in the teachings that their religion preached, his parents and his school, and classmates. He didn't know if they would accept him if he did embrace his own sexuality, and he was too worried of being cast adrift if they didn't accept it.

But on the other hand, he wanted to be able to be happy with Jaebum and experience a relationship with him, to live out all of the sweet cliche couple moments that he'd seen in romance movies and dramas.

"Ah, right..." Jaebum took a second to reply, his jaw tensing as he glanced away from his phone.

It was a terrible excuse, and Youngjae knew Jaebum didn't believe him in the slightest. And he had wanted to be honest and explain that he was falling too, that whatever feelings Jaebum had for him that he was setting aside for the sake of their friendship, that those were requited and he wanted to be with him and hold hands and share hoodies and do everything that couples did but...

Youngjae was too scared. And that was the only thing holding them back from what they both wanted. It was a stupid reason, but the thought of being alienated from his family and his school was something that absolutely terrified him, even if he would have the support of his sister, and Jaebum and the rest of their little motley crew.

He wished he could be more like Jaebum, comfortable with his sexuality and not caring about what other people thought. He was lucky enough to have a supportive family, and friends that were either the same or didn't care about who he loved. He was free to love who he wanted without any restrictions.

Youngjae exhaled slowly, feeling even more wretched than he had the morning after the party. The guilt was overwhelming because he knew that Jaebum was hoping for him to just say 'fuck it' and accept that he loved guys, and they could be together, and that was all he wanted too but he was fighting a battle with himself about whether he could.

"Hyung, I should probably go... I have work to do and... I'm sorry...."

"Okay, Youngjae," Jaebum reassured him, smiling over to him as he exhaled slowly. "You private school students probably have way more work than we do, so I'll let you get on with it... just... don't ignore me anymore, yeah? I actually like talking to you, believe it or not."

Youngjae smiled softly, as long as he knew Jaebum wasn't mad at him, the guilt lessened but it still simmered under the surface despite the reassurances.

"Alright, hyung. I'll talk to you later, promise.." He replied quietly before he shut off the call, and let the phone fall out of his hand onto the covers. Now that Jaebum couldn't see him, it was harder to hide his turbulent emotions, and he felt streaks of tears fall down his cheeks and gather on his chin, Coco waking up as he sniffled and jumping up to try her best at reassuring him.

Of everyone in their town that he had to fall for... Im Jaebum was the one that captured his heart. He didn't know how to move on from this, even if he had come a little closer to accepting his own sexuality, he was even more worried about the potential repercussions that he might face for acting on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I never said this story was going to be an 'A to B with no sadness or angst' so really.... so far it's just Youngjae keeping them apart but who knows might else might happen?
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! It keeps me motivated to keep writing! 
> 
> This chapter is a bit late, as I had deadlines to finish but I didn't want to make you guys wait too long. I'll try to upload the next chapter in a week or so but I can't make any promises! I'm in the last stretch of my course so there's a lot going on with uni interviews and all but I won't leave you hanging!
> 
> My twitter is @Y0UNGJAE97 if you wanna scream at me about GOT7 or anything to do with KPOP so make sure to follow me there!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first GOT7 fic, and I hope I can stick with this one long enough to finish it! 
> 
> I have a rough plan set out but if you want to see anything/any other pairings then please let me know and if I can make it work with the story then I'll try!
> 
> We'll meet the other members of GOT7 in coming chapters, and I hope characterisation is at least a little bit accurate :D
> 
> (Extended family names are made-up, I don't know Youngjae's sister's name so I got one from online)
> 
> As always, if you liked it please leave a kudos or a comment as it really helps keep motivation up for us writers! Thank you for reading!
> 
> I'll try and update twice weekly but if I don't then yell at me on twitter @Y0UNGJAE97 <3


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